Hairy Pothead: The Untold Story
by Scary Freak
Summary: PG13 only because of mentions of drugs all over this story and some slight language. This is meant to make fun of J.K. Rowlings Harry Potter's books. When I am done with her first book i will make the sequel- a parody of her second book. R/R please! This
1. The Boy Survived A Bad Drug Deal

WARNING: Contains Drug Material! Do Not Read This Story If You Are Against Drug Dealing. And Don't Hold Me, The Writer, Responsible If You Read This And Don't Like It, Because It Is The Exact Same Plot As J.K. Rowling's First Book.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Everyones name has been changed from J.K. Rowlings original "Harry Potter" series both to protect the victims and so that I wont have to write this stupid disclaimer because technically all the characters were created by me. Well sort of. Anyways on with the story  
  
  
  
Hairy Pothead: The True Story  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: The Boy Who Survived the Bad Drug Deal  
  
It was a bright, sunny morning at 4 Privates Drive. Everything was as it should be.  
  
Then: POOF! Suddenly it was nighttime.  
  
There was a far off BONG!  
  
As Voldimort attacked a man known as Jams Pothead because they had made a bad drug deal a few weeks before and Voldimort had finally tracked down Jams to get him back.  
  
Not only did he knock off him, but he killed his wife, too, and was about to kill their baby, Hairy, when suddenly young Serious White ran him over with his motorcycle.  
  
Serious and James had been drug partners for years ever since they went to the school that taught them how to deal drugs.  
  
Jams had met his wife there and they dealt drugs so well together that they got married.  
  
Anyway, after Serious ran over Voldimort with his motorcycle, he felt so guilty that he ran the man over that he gave his motorcycle to Hadrugs and also gave him the baby.  
  
Hadrugs then proceeded to 4 Privates Drive to give the baby to Alibi C. Bumblebee (the C. stands for crack).  
  
They then gave Hairy to his relatives the Purselys.  
  
They were not drug dealers, though they feared their drug dealing.  
  
They took little Hairy in, not knowing that he was destined to become the world's greatest drug dealer.  
  
Everyone in the drug-dealing world thought that Hairy had survived Voldimort trying to kill him.  
  
So he became known as "The Boy Who Survived a Bad Drug Deal".  
  
  
  
A/N: I will be writing more in the days to come, but please tell me in your reviews whether or not I am allowed to write this because of copy write issues. Thanks a bunch! 


	2. At Potform 9 3/4

A/N: Sorry about last chapter being so short. I might start combining chapters to make them longer. Neway, I'm skipping over the entire part about Hairy being at the Pursley's and just getting him right to Potform 9 ¾. If you really want the Pursley's part in this then just say something when you review so I can change the story.  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: At Potform 9 ¾  
  
  
  
Hairy was getting ready to go to Bongsnort's School of Drug Dealing and Drug Doing.  
  
He was between Potform's 9 and 10, but he saw no Potform 9 ¾.  
  
He asked a security guard about it, but the security guard only laughed and called him a "stupid boy".  
  
You see, Hairy had no idea that he was born into a powerful drug dealing family, and had known nothing of drug dealing until Hadrug told him about it a few days before on his birthday.  
  
He was very excited, but very nervous too.  
  
He was afraid that he would miss the train to the school he was going to, but he heard another group of redheads going to the same school, one younger, one older, and twins.  
  
The mother of them told him how to get to the Potform, and he did it.  
  
As soon as he got on the train, the redheads recognized whom he was.  
  
"That was Hairy Pothead, Mum!" exclaimed one of the twins.  
  
"That's great, honey," she replied, "Now get on board."  
  
They did so, and the younger one got into the same train car as he was in.  
  
"Are you really umm, Hairy Pothead? The Boy Who Survived A Bad Drug Deal?" asked the boy, whose name was Ron.  
  
"Yes, how can you tell?" answered Hairy.  
  
"Well you're the only drug dealer in the world to have green eyes and all, so you're kind of recognizable," replied Ron.  
  
"Oh, I never knew that," mumbled Harry.  
  
"Is this your first year at this school the Hairy?" Ron suddenly asked.  
  
"Yes it is. How many years have you been going to it?" Harry asked.  
  
"This is my first year, too. Oh hey! We're moving. Finally, we're off to Bongsnort's School of Drug Dealing and Drug Doing!" Ron exclaimed with delight.  
  
  
  
A/N: I decided to write 2 chapters in one night because I am excited about this story. However I'm already starting to develop writer's block so I'm going to stop writing for now. Look for a new chapter in the next few days. As before, r/r. Oh and I don't mind you flamers out there, because you just use flames to toast marshmallows and they're good and I'm writing this story for pleasure, not for popularity. See ya! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it took so long to post, but I've been busy this past week and I couldn't manage to find the time to write the new chapter. Anyway, I hope that you all like it!  
  
  
  
1 At Bongsnorts  
  
Hairy had been on the train for hours, and he was starving.  
  
Ron had told him that an old lady with a food cart usually came around at this time.  
  
He knew this because his brothers had told him about it.  
  
When the lady came around selling snacks, Hairy bought all that he could.  
  
Ron said he couldn't afford any, but since Hairy was rich, he shared his with Ron.  
  
There were Bernie Potts Every Flavored Bongs, Dribbles Nicotine Gum, Ecstasy Pasties, and other delicious delights.  
  
"What's up with these bongs? Some taste different then others," wondered Hairy.  
  
"Oh, yeah, some are the good flavors like chocolate and caramel, and then there are the disgusting ones like sardine and squash.  
  
"Watch out, though, never take a full bite before you know what you're getting.  
  
"Just nibble off the end of them because when they say every flavored they mean it."  
  
"Oh, ok," said Hairy.  
  
"So can you explain to me all this stuff about drugs?" Hairy asked.  
  
"I mean, I've never really learned anything about the drug world, seeing as in the society I grew up in, drugs are considered bad and all," Hairy added.  
  
"Well, people, I mean regular people like your uncle and aunt, don't understand drugs, and therefore they hate them.  
  
"They say they can ruin your life, but that's not true at all.  
  
"And no matter how easy they say doing drugs is, it's not at all.  
  
"There are lots of things you need to learn, which is why they have a school to teach us about them and the safe uses.  
  
"They not only are going to teach us to do drugs, but also to deal them.  
  
"In fact, we don't learn to use them until our fifth year, because they think that its too dangerous for the younger people to do drugs not because drugs are bad, but because the law in our world is that you need to be 15 or older to do drugs.  
  
"Other than teaching us some of the basics of drugs this year, we probably won't be doing much else," explained Ron.  
  
"Oh, ok," said Hairy again.  
  
"Oh look, we've arrived at Bongsnorts!" exclaimed Ron.  
  
"Yahoo! I hope Hadrugs is here," Hairy thought.  
  
They got off the train and stood around for a few minutes.  
  
Suddenly, they heard a big booming voice bellowing, "First years this way! First years this way!"  
  
"Hadrugs!" exclaimed Hairy, "It's good to see you again!"  
  
"Hey Hairy, how you been? That cousin of yours been giving you any trouble lately?" "No, not much, thankfully," answered Hairy.  
  
All the first years walked over to Hadrugs.  
  
"Now, the others are going to the school by carriage, but you get to go there by boat," Hadrugs told them.  
  
"Load up each boat with three to four people, but no more, and then get two of them to row," Hadrugs went on.  
  
"You'll soon get your first look at Bongsnorts as we get closer," Hadrugs informed them.  
  
They loaded the boats and started rowing.  
  
They soon began to see the school's silhouette in the distance.  
  
When they got their first clear view of the school they were astounded.  
  
It was a huge castle with many towers and turrets sticking out all over the place.  
  
They were in awe of it- they had never expected to learn about drugs in a gigantic castle.  
  
"Welcome to Bongsnorts School of Drug Dealing and Drug Doing!" exclaimed Hadrugs. 


End file.
